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Why Am I Still Single?

Figure Out Why and How to Fix It

by Barbie Adler – September 27, 2012

You’re intelligent, attractive, have a great sense of humor and your friends and coworkers love being around you. The facets of your life – career, home, family, friends, are all on track and going along fine, thankyouverymuch. There’s just one thing missing – a great guy to share it all with.

There’s no doubt you’re a great catch, everyone tells you so – so what’s the deal?

Reality Check…You Know Why You’re Still Single  

Deep down, every single woman knows – why they’ve put off a new relationship, even when they’re actively looking, or profess wanting, someone to share their life with someone. You know who you are, and you know what I’m talking about.

You genuinely want to be loved and love back. But the roadblocks you’ve set up over the years won’t let you. Understandably, those roadblocks are there for a good reason – they protect you from getting hurt, from feeling insecure, or from your inner voice that says you are unlovable, or don’t know how to love.

Common Roadblocks

-I’m crazy busy with work, I barely have enough time for myself, let alone time to date or maintain a relationship.
-Guys lie, guys cheat, guys never call you back, guys are just after one thing, guys have no clue.
-I’m only approached by guys that are not my type.
-I’ve had too many bad dates.
-With all of my interests, friends and family, I can’t figure out how a relationship would fit in.
-I never meet anyone new that I like.

If any of these roadblocks are yours – give yourself credit for admitting it and now ask yourself what you can do to get out of your own way and make your love life a success.

What Lies Beneath

Men are just as insecure, just as vulnerable and just as emotional about dating as women are.

I know it sounds crazy, because often their behavior doesn’t show it, but it’s on point. If you start with that fact as a base, believe me, it will knock a few roadblocks off your list immediately. He talks about himself too much, never asks you questions, talks about his ex, or can’t talk at all – give him a break – he’s trying just like you! Don’t rule someone out prematurely as you may be throwing a good catch back to sea! First impressions are always hard. Always give him a second (or third) opportunity to sweep you off your feet.

 Take a Calculated, Objective Look at Yourself

Turn to your friends or people you know that are in a good relationship and that want the best for you. Skip the friends that may be jealous, insecure or have motives in keeping you single.

Ask the trustworthy ones these questions:

-Am I portraying someone who I’m not?
-Am I a workaholic, is this my escape from a relationship?
-Am I hanging out with the wrong crowd (i.e. too pretentious, only married couples, party scene or overly female-dominated)?
-What are am doing differently to put myself out there?
-Are there trends and patterns in my relationship successes and failures I can learn from?
-Do I reveal too much up front?
-Do I not give guys a chance?
-Do I intimidate guys?

Your friends input, coupled with what you know, will put you on a more objective, proactive track to finding Mr. Right.

The bottom line: You can change your patterns and the way you think about relationships. Get rid of those roadblocks, and get back on the quest for the love of your life. He’s out there and wondering where you are!

About the Author: Barbie Adler

Barbie Adler is a contributing columnist for Cheeky and president of Chicago's top matchmaking firm Selective Search, an elite matchmaking firm that acts as a personal recruiter for the city's most eligible bachelors. Selectively single women are invited to join for free by registering at