CheekyChicago

Baseball season is in full swing in Chicago, and ladies, you know what that means – the boys are out to play. For those of us who don’t have season tickets to watch a Chicago team of choice in action, we devised a “Crosstown Classic” of our own. We scouted out the best watering holes from the Gold Coast to Ukrainian Village to see which ones really hit it out of the park (and which ones allow us to use as many baseball puns as possible).

We dedicated one day to a series of double headers, visiting two bars in each neighborhood. Our rating system was very scientific based on key criteria women cannot do without: Boys, Beverages, Bathrooms, and Backdrop.

Home Run = 4 points

Triple = 3 points

Double = 2 points

Single = 1 point

Swing and a Miss = 0 points

Let’s play ball!

Gold Coast

Noon: Bull & Bear

Boys: Double. Where there lacked quantity, there was quality. Great conversations with some local residents, but we get the feeling this place doesn’t pick up until later in the evening. Perfect spot to bring family visiting from out of town for a unique viewing experience.

Beverages: Home Run. Unbeknownst to us, we had stumbled upon the Pajama Jam Brunch, which features a diverse and affordable menu and build-your-own mimosa and Bloody Mary options. We sampled the build-your-own mimosa menu, creating two pink Champagne-based concoctions garnished with fresh strawberries that were the perfect start to the day.

Bathrooms: Triple. Clean and spacious, but poorly lit. Also requires a trip downstairs.

Backdrop: Home Run. When we arrived, we were met with a cozy Saturday morning scene, complete with old-school cartoons, servers in pajamas, and the Cubs game playing in the background. Outdoor seating available, well-lit, open air, lively music. and plenty of TVs (although the sound was not on during the game).

Score: 11 of 16

1:30 pm: PJ Clarke’s

Boys: Single. If you’re looking to strike up a conversation with a more mature man, this is your place. Known as the official bar of Chicago traders, we hear this is a better after-work happy hour spot to watch games (and boys).

Beverages: Home Run. The bartenders are very knowledgeable at this classic institution. Tip: Chat up the bartender, and you might score some complimentary shots.

Bathrooms: Triple. Clean, good number of stalls, well-lit.

Backdrop: Double. Dark and cozy, this spot is great for rain delays. Choose between outdoor or indoor seating. Snag a seat at the classic-looking, wood-paneled bar or head upstairs for more privacy.

Score: 10 of 16.

Winner: Bull & Bear

Bucktown/Wicker Park/Ukrainian Village

2:30 pm: The Boundary

Boys: Home Run. We were joined by the two cheekiest ladies in town to scope out this scene. The bar was crawling with men who were there to actually watch the games. With plenty of TVs throughout the space, no matter who you are rooting for, your game is on (increasing your odds of meeting a “fan’s best friend”).

Beverages: Home Run. Good beer selection, excellent menu with affordable and healthy options.

Bathrooms: Home Run. Full-length mirrors. Enough said.

Backdrop: Home Run. Indoor and outdoor seating. Plenty of booths, as well as tables/bar seating. During the seventh inning stretch, check out the shuffleboard table.

Score: 16 of 16

3:30 pm: The Fifty/50

Boys: Triple. As the day progressed, so did the amount of alcohol consumed by the boys we encountered, however there were a lot of them (including a dead ringer for Zach Galifianakis in The Hangover).

Beverages: Home Run. With a selection ranging from forties to beer cocktails and special “super-sized” beer options, there’s something for everyone. Who likes beer.

Bathrooms: Swing and a Miss. One stall on the main level, and only a couple downstairs.

Backdrop: Home Run. TVs outside ensure you won’t miss a minute of the game, even al fresco. Three levels ensure there’s enough seating for everyone in your group.

Score: 11 of 16

Winner: The Boundary

Lincoln Park/Lakeview

5 pm: State

Boys: Home Run. Lots of athletic guys there to watch both the game and the girls. The crowd was a little sportier at this bar (which we liked) with many Chicago Sport & Social Club players in uniform.

Beverages: Home Run. Great selection of beers on tap, as well as signature cocktails (make sure to try the State Martini).

Bathrooms: Triple. Plenty of stalls, and you won’t miss a play with a TV in the bathroom.

Backdrop: Home Run. Everywhere you look, there is a TV playing a different game. There are even private booths that include personal televisions. The large front garage door opens for a nice summer breeze.

Score: 15 of 16

6:30 pm:  Kirkwood (last stop of the night)

Boys: Home Run. A full roster boasts men of all ages. An open layout makes it easy to approach people.

Beverages: Triple. A good selection of beers. If you want to play in the big leagues, try the beer in the boot.

Bathrooms: Swing and a Miss. Small number of stalls.

Backdrop: Home Run. Plenty of space with an outdoor bar and one of the best patios in the city. If you’re heading south after a game at Wrigley, this is a great pit stop on the way home.

Score: 11 of 16

Winner: State

At this point, we had to retire, but that doesn’t mean we’re out for the season. We still need to hit Wrigley and the South Side for a real Crosstown Classic. To be continued …