The universe works in very mysterious ways. I have learned that it giveth and it taketh away. The highs and lows I have experienced in the last few weeks have truly tested my capacity to stand on my own two feet. And guess what I have discovered? My two feet work just fine.
So I took my own non-advice advice and went to San Francisco for five days to visit a long lost friend. I hadn’t taken a vacation on my own in many years and just getting on a plane by myself at O’Hare was invigorating. As soon as I stepped off the plane in San Fran, I felt a step closer to myself. That city has a palpable vibe that simply speaks to my heart. It’s beautiful and historic, clean yet gritty, eclectic and fashionable, friendly and chill. And me and my girl Lex bonded our way throughout the entire town. We hiked the cliffs, we sight-saw, we shopped, we drank a lot of wine and opened our hearts to each other as renewed friends. And best of all, I felt the distance from Chicago and all my pain there and truly cleared my mind. It was just what the doctor ordered.
I also briefly spent some time with an amazing new guy who gave me a very special gift: the gift of enlightenment. Enlightenment of knowing that I live in a large, large world full of quality, good men who I can have fun with, be attracted to and feel myself with again. (It’s that age old adage that things like that always happen when you least expect it—because I wasn’t.) And I feel very grateful to the universe for providing me with that very vital and momentary lesson.
So now for the doozies. I randomly ran into my ex twice this week. The first time we ran into each other was on the exact date that would have been our four year anniversary. Crazy. Seeing him that night on the dark street corner outside my apartment was nothing if not magical. Like out of a movie. It was peaceful, sad, exciting, loving and more. We chatted for a few minutes, teared up a little, laughed at the irony of it all and said goodbye. As I walked up to my apartment alone, something remarkable happened. I felt ever more sure that I need to continue on my own journey and continue growing into the different person I feel myself becoming. Somewhere between one month ago and that moment, I had accepted that that chapter in my life is closed and while I still love him deeply, it is my time to move on, be free and live my own life.
Soooo, then I got pick-pocketed yesterday on the red line. Two guys shook me down, stole my wallet and in a matter of an hour, charged over two grand on four different credit cards. I have lived in this city for over five years and nothing like that has ever happened to me. It was traumatizing. But I am safe, unharmed and I am getting every penny of my money back. It was also the moment of two “firsts.” Even though I had this great moment of clarity the other night seeing my ex, it was the first time in awhile that I really longed to be with him. He was always my rescue line, my knight in shining armor and would emotionally take care of me in situations like this. But it was also another first: he wasn’t there. And I had to deal with it myself. And while that was so utterly sad, it was also incredibly empowering. I have a wonderful, amazing group of people around me who are not him- my family, my friends, my roommate, even the random people I encountered at the coffee shop this morning showed me compassion. (I had to pay for my java with pocket change.) Ah…life.
So my point is: for better or for worse, the world works in mysterious ways and you’ve got to pay attention or you may miss the meaning behind the mystery. I have also learned that we as people are more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. Perhaps, maybe even me.
