Oh, my Cheekies. I hope you are not disappointed in me. I know I have neglected my mighty but modest, blog reading audience for far too long and to be honest, I’m quite disappointed in myself. I have been itching to get back to you for months now, I swear.
So here I am, ready to reclaim, report, and hopefully relate.
The truth is – I’ve been really freaking busy. I think we all have, right? I don’t know about you, but 2010 has been a whirlwind thus far. I feel like I blinked and it was March. Maybe it was the excitement of a new decade, or the explosion of new opportunities at Cheeky, or perhaps it was because 2009 sucked so much and I was just ready to dive into a new year, but it’s just been go go go from the minute the clock struck midnight on January 1st. I honestly haven’t had an opportunity to turn my brain off for even an hour in three months. (And no, watching American Idol doesn’t cut it.)
I’m not complaining.
However, February was a bust. My body finally started paying for my non-stop schedule and I fell pretty ill. I visited the doctor more often in the span of one month than I have in my entire life. It was awesome. (I’m still trying to figure out how to relay sarcasm in my writing, btw.) But after all the blood tests, the acupuncture, the MRI’s, and the meds, I’ve learned one valuable thing: never, ever take for granted your health.
Again, not complaining. Just learning….
You’re waiting for me to get to the good stuff, huh? What’s been going on with my over-feeling, over-expressive little heart of mine, you ask? Well, much.
The good news is I have found peace, forgiveness, honor, acceptance, and a deep love in my heart for what was the most intense relationship and challenging break-up I’ve ever had. The even better news is that my life feels more renewed, freer, and happier than it has ever felt.
Let me divulge for a moment…or two. I’ve realized that when you experience deep pain like a shattering heartbreak, your heart must literally expand to fit in all of that massive ache and devastation. In that low, low, low state, your heart…quite literally…grows. So by the time you have come through it and out of it, you are left with a bigger heart. A heart with more room to love, to laugh harder, to listen to music more deeply, to smile more genuinely, to hug your friends a little tighter, to nurture yourself more honestly, to forgive others more truly, and to feel and value your joy in a more profound way.
See, always learning…
Perhaps one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in this last year is how truly amazing, vital, and important it is to be single. Don’t mean to sound like a contestant on The Bachelor, but I could have dated up a storm over the last six months if I really wanted to. In fact, I kinda did. But I made the conscious choice not to jump right into a new relationship, but instead spend oodles of time with my gorgeous, ridiculously awesome friends, renew the relationship I have with my family, focus on my career, and learn what it feels like to just be with myself again. Relationships have been my BIGGEST no-no. As a matter of fact, just the word “relationship” has kinda made me want to vomit.
That is, until I met someone. Someone totally unexpected and… totally unexpectedly. And boy, did I resist this relationship. “I’m not ready,” “I still need time,” “I can’t give you much,” and my personal favorite, “I don’t want a relationship” were, well, my famous last words. But it’s amazing. It’s amazing, because it’s so different.
Again, learning…
I’m learning that a relationship doesn’t have to be dramatic to be exciting, love doesn’t have to be painful to be deep, a connection can be honest without being toxic, you can be challenged without being criticized, and that the person you love should ultimately bring out the best in you…and can.
Granted, this new relationship has definitely added a lot to my happiness. (Duh.) But it’s not the sole reason why I’m happy. I’ve done a gargantuan amount of work on my own to get to this point on my journey. And I’m still traveling on it. And am learning that one person couldn’t ever, nor should ever, be the center of anyone’s true happiness.
It helps…
But, it comes from within your own cheeky heart.
And that’s the biggest lesson of them all.
