CheekyChicago

I wish I could un-watch this movie. While I consider myself a loyal Diablo Cody fan (the writer of the film and talented scribe behind Juno), I think this marks a major misstep in her career. As for Megan Fox, the inhumanly hot actress playing a demonic man-eater, she might want to seriously consider a future as a silent movie star. When she speaks, her “acting” is so utterly unconvincing that you can feel the effort it took for her to memorize the lines. To be fair, Diablo Cody doesn’t write conventional dialogue. She’s clever to a fault, full of pop culture quips and sharp wit. It takes a certain kind of actress to pull off the tongue-in-cheek humor and dry sarcasm. Megan Fox is not this actress. She might have hit the genetic jackpot, but sorely lacks the ability to create a believable on-screen character.

So what happens in this mangled horror movie gone awry? Jennifer (Fox) is the high school vixen who views boys as mere conquests. Her dowdy best friend Needy (Amanda Seyfried doing her best to elevate a bad situation), willingly plays second fiddle, letting Jennifer shine as she applauds from the sidelines. While Needy’s boyfriend Chip (newcomer Johnny Simmons) recognizes the toxic female friendship, Needy is blinded by adoration and life-long loyalty. Courtesy of sunshine-filled flashbacks, we see that Jennifer and Needy bonded in the sandbox, which apparently excuses the next 10 years of Jennifer’s self-centered behavior and overpowering narcissism.

On one cursed evening, Jennifer convinces Needy to see a new indie band perform in a seedy townie bar so she can seduce the lead singer (a pitch-perfect Adam Brody). He nails his hipster rocker role with the requisite male eyeliner, deadpan humor and slightly satanic hidden agenda. More Brody and less Fox would have been a wise casting call.

The planned seduction turns gruesome and Jennifer morphs from being a teen bitch into a blood-sucking witch, an evil flesh-hungry fembot who literally feeds off her male classmates. It doesn’t take the forecasting skills of Al Roker to figure out who her ultimate target will be and, naturally, her friendship with Needy takes a beating. Still they manage a slightly gratuitous girl-on-girl make-out session to show how complicated a relationship can be when you’re BFF with a she-demon.

Jennifer’s Body is actually more like a decaying corpse and I’m glad this misguided teen horror flick got buried at the box office.