CheekyChicago

Last week, I delved into how to fight fair with your partner. While there’s not one right way to argue, there are tips and tricks to getting your point across in an amicable manner (even if you feel like ripping each other’s heads off). See below for the second installment of fighting fair tips!

1. Don’t assume the other person is a mind reader. When you get angry, it’s easy to assume your partner knows why. Women are masters at heavy sighing, eye rolling or slamming things around. These gestures should get your point across, right? Wrong. People (especially men) aren’t mind readers. If you have a problem, speak up. If it’s over something small, like the dishes, you can say something positive like: “I really appreciate how you always put gas in the car – it’s so thoughtful. But do you think you could help me keep our kitchen a bit straighter? I just start to feel unorganized when we don’t load the dishwasher.”  Stating something positive first won’t make the other person feel berated or unappreciated. I came from a past relationship where, no matter how I loaded the dishwasher, it was never the right way. “It would take an idiot not to load this dishwasher right!” he would scream. “Are you an idiot?” I would stare at him, fists clenched. “You’re so righteous,” I would hiss. “Not righteous,” he would say. “Just right.” Of course, the dishwasher was just symbolic of all the other things wrong in our relationship, but if he hadn’t made me feel so incompetent, I might have been willing to listen. So, if you have an issue, speak up nicely. Don’t ever assume the other person should simply know what you’re talking about.

2. Don’t fight when you’re tired or hungry. If you’re anything like me, you get really moody if you are exhausted or famished. Put those two things together, and I am a time bomb waiting to explode. So, the next time you are upset, check in with yourself. Are you tired or hungry? Then don’t launch into a giant conversation about what’s bothering you. Get rest or fuel up, and then see if you are still as bothered. If your spouse seems cranky, ask them if they are tired or hungry. Don’t always assume a bad mood has to do with you.

3. Make it a rule to never call each other names. This might sound hard, but it’s not. If you’re never “allowed” to call your spouse a name when you’re fighting, you will have to reach for more positive words. And why would you want to talk disrespectfully to your significant other? If you allow yourself to talk negatively like this, you will eventually lose respect for your partner (and vice versa). Be kind. No name calling. Period.

Stay tuned for next week’s tips to fighting fair! To see part one of this journey, please click here. Feeling tired or hungry? Please click here for healthy nutritional snacks that will bring you energy all day long.

To read more about Rea Frey and why she is so Cheeky, please click here.