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Dating All the Wrong Guys?

Time to Re-Calibrate Your Picker

by Barbie Adler – August 2, 2012

Dating can be tough – dating the right guy is even more difficult. Why is it so easy to find the bad boys, and not the right boys? The important lessons about men often come from years of trial and tribulations. Unfortunately, without the bitter baby, the sweet ain’t as sweet.

The older you get, the more you realize that Mom made some valid points. You actually do need to eat your veggies – and baths and naps are a treat, not torture. So why does it take us so long to take her advice about men? After all, many of those science nerds and math geeks she wished you would date in high school are now commitment-minded, successful and handsome doctors, lawyers and businessmen.

It’s possible for women of all ages to become wiser without necessarily acquiring “vintage” status. If you’re looking for a long-term love, get ready to cleanse your palate and refine your taste in men:

You can lead a horse to water…

No matter how much you wish you could, you won’t turn a lifetime player into a serial monogamist. He has to want to change himself. You are not his Rosetta Stone. Cheeky girls need a man who already has it together and knows what he wants.

…But you can give him a nudge!

There are, however, a few things that are easy to change. If he has all the right pieces, he might just need some help putting them in the right order. You don’t like his boring style? A great haircut can make a world of difference or even stop by Nordstrom for a new pair of well cut jeans and a tailored jacket to wear on date night.  Does he needs to lose a few lbs? Cook low-fat meals on date nights. Be each other’s encouragement to stay lean and mean. A few small tweaks are sometimes all it takes in order to polish a diamond in the rough.

Bad boys are bad news.

Think of the bad boys like a decadent chocolate cake – with extra frosting. A few bites are great, but before you know it you have eaten the whole thing, and now you’re feeling a little nauseated and depressed. Even worse than gaining weight? Gaining emotional baggage. Look past the bad boy charm and smooth lines. While it is tempting, you have enough will-power to keep looking at the menu options!

The 80/20 Rule.

Sure, relationships take work, but make sure to step back and evaluate if this relationship is balanced. Are you within the 80/20 limits? A little disagreement every now and then is healthy. You should be able to have different opinions, voice your views, and spark Cheeky debate. However, if conflict and tension are making you feel less than spectacular most of the time… It’s time to drop it like it’s hot! You deserve more!

Smart is the new sexy.

Eye candy is fun, but not always fulfilling. An intelligent girl needs her brain food – you need more than just heat between the sheets. Your guy needs to know how to stimulate your…IQ! Thirty years from now, he’ll be wrinkled and gray – but his wit, personality, intelligence and curiosity about the world won’t fade.

Think about the big picture. 

Invest wisely; don’t waste a year with someone whose value will only depreciate. If you can’t see yourself with him long term; he’s not worth your time. Does he have what counts? What’s important to you should be important to him. You need someone there for you through the proverbial thick and thin. If he doesn’t have staying power; it’s time to throw in the towel. Remember, a Cheeky girl never settles!


About the Author: Barbie Adler

Barbie Adler is a contributing columnist for Cheeky and president of Chicago's top matchmaking firm Selective Search, an elite matchmaking firm that acts as a personal recruiter for the city's most eligible bachelors. Selectively single women are invited to join for free by registering at