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No one has a perfect dating record. Let’s face it: we’ve all made dating mistakes that make us cringe – even when we’re recalling them years later. Whether or not these mistakes led to the loss of someone we thought was “the one,” or merely resulted in a red face, broken heart or bruised ego, we’d all like to lead dating lives that are a bit less haphazard.
Even major dating slip-ups are avoidable if you recognize them before they happen. While no one can predict the future, a few things are actually within your control.
With sunny days around the corner, what better time to evaluate your romantic habits? Now is the time to revamp your dating philosophy. Even major dating slip-ups are avoidable if you recognize them before they happen. While no one can predict the future, a few things are actually within your control.
Summer is almost here – get out of hibernation! Don’t sit back and expect Mr. Right to somehow find his way into your daily routine. It’s great to believe in fate; however, you have to put yourself out there and make yourself available. There are plenty of quality, commitment-minded single men in Chicago – and they aren’t going to be found in your all-girl bar or yoga classes, or in the fashion magazine section of Barnes & Noble. Get out of your comfort zone. Venture to the weight room at the gym, explore a new spot for happy hour, or hit up a sports bar for the big game. Actively look for potential romance with as much zest as anything else you want in life. There is no shame in online dating or in enlisting a matchmaking firm such as my company, Selective Search (Shameless plug: www.selectivesearch.com). But let’s get real, if we don’t know you and you’re selectively single, you need to make yourself known!
Ask a close guy friend to give you his honest feedback about your mannerisms and the vibe you are giving off to members of the opposite sex. Are you approachable? Do you seem warm and happy or do you appear cold and aloof? By no means throw yourself at a guy, but don’t shoot him down right away either. An innocent chat doesn’t commit you to anything. Best turnout: you two hit it off. Worst turnout: you politely excuse yourself and walk away. Not much to lose if you consider the potential return on investment. If you see a guy you are interested in, give him a smile from across the room or boldly walk over and introduce yourself.
Mistake #3: Believing his words over his actions.
We know the famous “I’ll call you” line rarely means he’ll call you. If a guy wants to get in touch with you, he will. The same goes for anything else he says in the early part of a relationship. Words are only words and it’s easy for him to tell you what you want to hear. The actual effort he puts into developing the relationship says a lot more than his words.
Mistake #4: Playing dumb so you don’t intimidate him.
Forget the stigma that successful women intimidate men. Do you really want to date a guy who isn’t impressed by your accomplishments or isn’t happy that you love your career? Most men are attracted to women who are intelligent, passionate about their career and able to be intellectually stimulating. Don’t lie about your work or current position because you think it will make him more comfortable. If he can’t handle it, he obviously can’t handle you.
Don’t let electronic communication be your primary source of communication. Sure, it’s convenient and appropriate in some situations and loads of fun to flirt and be spicy. It should not, however, take the place of face time or phone calls. Not only is it impersonal, it also leaves lots of room for miscommunication. Save the initial texting back and forth for your girlfriends.
Don’t become Facebook friends too soon. And make sure your profile is on privacy lockdown. Take this initial time to clean up your photos. If you have lots of flirty/borderline or downright risqué photos of you posing with every man in Chicago… you may turn off Mr. Right. You need to project the right image on Facebook just as you would in your home. Sure, a flirty photo with your girlfriends can actually work in your favor, but if you have a drink in every photo or you’re hugging a guy in a majority of your pictures – you may want to do some online spring cleaning!