CheekyChicago

The art of breaking up – is this ever easy? While some break ups are cut and dry (and so much better in the long run), usually the urge to “break up” can simply reveal chinks in the relationship armor that can be fixed with just the right tools. We’re so quick to “run” these days when the going gets tough, instead of realizing that any relationship will need a little work once the “newness” wears off.

So, grab your partner and answer these questions honestly to put you back on the path to happiness.

1. What could improve in your relationship? Look at your relationship objectively. Where are the areas that could use improvement? Have these issues always been there, did they happen over time, or are they more recent? Pinpoint the issues and when they first arrived.

2. How do you communicate? How could it improve? Ask any successful couple what is vital to a lasting relationship, and communication is always at the top of that list (so is sex). When you communicate, do you feel comfortable expressing your point? Can you be yourself, or are you defensive before you even begin? Do you have walls up? Do you even hear or see your partner, or are you always on the defensive? Examine how you both communicate and ways it might improve.

3. When things get rough, who do you turn to? I notice a lot of people talk to their friends or family when things get rough (totally normal). However, an issue never gets solved unless you go directly to the source – so do that. Make it a pact with your partner that you talk to each other first in an open, calm manner before going to other people. You solve your own problems.

4. If you had to rate the following areas of your relationship on a scale of 1-10, what would they be?

• Attraction
• Communication
• Team work

If one is significantly lower than the rest, look at how you can better it. What’s hindering your attraction or communication? How can you work more as a team?

5. If you could change one thing about your partner, what would it be? (Now ask yourself if that’s more of your problem or his.) For instance, if he “never” listens to you, how do you talk to him? Are you accusatory and nagging? Do you make him feel like he’s always wrong? Sometimes men are listening, but they feel scolded every time they try to offer a suggestion (and vice versa). Look at yourself when examining what could be better in your relationship. It usually takes two.

6. When do problems arise? Do you fight when there are other stressors in your life? For instance, if you are trying to hustle the kids to bed, pay the bills and cook dinner, it’s easy to take out your frustrations on your partner, because it’s the one thing you can actually control. If you’re bored and itching for some drama, that’s not a good reason to start a fight. If your partner wakes up in a bad mood and that puts you in a bad mood, try not to take it personally. Really take a step back and see how/when you can improve your problem areas.

There’s no single antidote to any relationship problem, but there are constructive ways to help your relationship. For example, if you normally fly off the handle when he responds a certain way, take two seconds before answering to focus on what you really like about your partner. (This may seem hard to do at first.) Often, just by shifting your focus to something positive, you can assuage the situation and put yourself in a different frame of mind.

So, take some time to see if you can avoid a break-up and get back to happiness instead!